Updated: Dec 14, 2019
It was my turn to be a bride in March of 2018. I was so excited to marry my best friend, and I was super amped for the marriage - but I had so much anxiety around the wedding itself. I've since learned that it's actually really common, so I thought I'd share my experience so you won't feel so alone if it's happening to you. The following are tips I should have implemented but probably didn't, heh.
Let me preface this whole thing with TL;DR You are going to have such fond memories of your wedding day, it's going to be awesome, you know who you need to please? Just the two of you. xxx
So We're Planning A Wedding...
Planning any kind of event is stressful, but add in the fact that so many people you know and love are coming and your past experiences with other people's awesome weddings, it can all be a little overwhelming. First stop - write a brief! A couple of short sentences about what's important to you two and where your priorities lie. It will be something that can really help guide you when you are lost under 3000 emails and you don't know what month it is and you're stressed about choosing between the 2 shade difference in napkins.
Give yourself lots of time if you think you'll need it; there are no rules about how long you can be engaged.
In the big scheme of things, your celebrant will make sure the absolute necessary words and signings happen at your ceremony, and beyond that, anything is possible. Have that llama bridal party, you. Forgot to invite guests in an almost but not quite accidental way? That's ok too.
Managing Your Fears
One of my biggest fears around planning our wedding was someone having just a horrible time and hating everything. It was really liberating to (try to) let go of that, and realise that I've NEVER personally disliked anyone's wedding, and I've been to a few, so it was unlikely to happen. I figured my brain was trying it on a bit. If I knew a Judgey McJudgerson, I wouldn't be inviting them so why was I worrying about what they would think about our day. We totally did it our way and it was rad.
Take Time or Make Time For The Two of You
Remember the wedding is just one day out of many glorious and trying days you are teaming up to face with your new spouse. I had to make a concerted effort to touch base with my now husband about completely non-wedding things, and embarking on some date nights where wedding talk was banned was actually just wonderful. It's easier to ground yourself and find your calm when you'd got your life partner by your side. Be an open book and let them know what you are worrying about. Even if it's really silly. If it's worrying you, it's not that silly.
A Sweet Little Trick...
Word on the street is that if you pretend to yourself that you are getting married a month prior to your date, then things will be a bit more chill in the direct lead up to your magical day. It works for assignments! I wish I'd tried this myself.
If there are jobs you can pass on to those around you that are keen to help, do it. Embrace that support, people love ya and want to lighten the load. Make someone else the point of contact for guest questions, split jobs between the two of you and let Nana take care of those pesky napkins.
And Lastly, Chat With Your Vendors
You might want to have a chat about it with your celebrant and your photographer. I really dig being able to work with people fully and responsively and having a little background will help me in this. Need a bit of space? Got ya. Need me in closer to help you? Got ya. Changed your entire massive fairytale wedding to a 3 person elopement over shots in a barn? Got ya.
Of course, if you feel things are a bit out of control, always get professional help, I am just a photographer. Hopefully there have been a couple of useful tips and hey, you know I totally understand!
You two are going to have an amazing, memorable day. People will adore the flashes of you as a couple that shine through. You don't have to overthink things, and you don't need to cram a lifetime of joy into the day. You two get to share that privately forevermore.